Can I be brutally honest with you? I’ve decided I really do not like Mother’s Day. Every single flipping year, I fall into the same trap! In the back of my mind I set unrealistic expectations from the ones I love and create a fantasy of how the day will unfold. I honestly start the day with a thankful attitude of how grateful I am that God has allowed me one more year with my family. However, as the day progresses I start tallying up everything they did not “do for me” whether it be just the right words of endearment, princess treatment, an array of gifts….
So this year, I once again had the mother of the year-unglued eruption. I ended up yelling at my husband with my prima donna rights demanding everything that I deserve for all the hard work I do 365 days a year. And then the very second I shut my mouth I immediately felt that sick empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew I had once again fallen into that ugly place called pride. It didn’t take long before I realized what a fool I’d been on yet another Mother’s Day.
How in the world could I fall prey to the devil’s schemes of pride after all the endless love, care, support and encouragement my husband has provided for me throughout our 18 years of marriage? I mean this is the man that not only stood by my bed side while I was in a coma cheering me on not to give up, ran a household, went to work and cared for our heartbroken daughter while she cried asking him, “Is mommy going to die?” Honestly, I cannot imagine the load my husband carried just throughout my cancer journey alone, much less the 15 years prior to that ordeal.
So after all that, I had a choice to make. Sit and wallow in guilt and condemnation for my ridiculous behavior or lay down my pride and apologize. With God’s nudging I chose the latter. The funny thing is while apologizing to my husband I came to the conclusion what the real problem was all along; I was feeling insecure which led me to put unrealistic expectations on my family. I realized through this humbling Mother’s Day that I was expecting others to satisfy and fill parts of me that Only God, our Savior can do. God is the One and Only that can truly satisfy our souls.
I would like to ask you today, are you putting unrealistic expectations on others to fill parts of you the only God can? I would love to hear from you, just to know I’m not alone in this 🙂 Leave a comment on the link below.
This is something that I have struggled with for years but am just now understanding the whys. I want to be and feel significant so I too put these unrealistic expectations in place only to be let down and ruin a moment that was more than enough. I was preparing for our Cinco de Mayo party for 2 days and when my husband ONLY responded with a this looks good, I lost it. Finally I am starting to get it. God already finds me significant and loves m3 unconditionally. I don’t need to earn it or prove myself worthy, He’s already invited me in. God let your grace be sufficient for me.
Yes – I do that myself… unfairly to others… I now am learning to notice this in my life
I’m so interested in your story now too… a coma? that’s horrible – but looks like God has blessed you through this & brought you to another place in life. He’s so amazing!
Linda, thank you for openly sharing your vulnerabilities. I have often fallen into the trap of reacting as a result of unmet/unrealistic expectations – expectations that I set for others or myself instead of trusting God to satisfy my needs and feed my heart. May you be richly blessed.
OMGosh, I cannot believe as I read this that I, 110% do/did the same thing but no yelling. The only thing that probably saved me from letting loose the kraken was an article I had read earlier that day on how this was also a day that a lot of mother’s would not get to celebrate with their children due to world events such as the Sandy Hook massacre and of course the war and the brave soldiers who gave it all, so I tried to keep that kind of thought in the back of my mind, but thoughts of, hey, where is my tiara and back rub, and how come I’m not being told how wonderful and appreciated I am, still swirled around in my head and I even thought just wait for your birthday child or even father’s day, you’ll see how it feels. I have since confessed and repented of those thoughts and looked deeper and like you found I was relying on man to fill what only God can satisfy. So very grateful for a loving and forgiving Father who helps me grow each and every day and shows me the ugliness I carry inside so I can move forward in the plan He has for me 🙂
Linda one of the things I love about you most is your willingness to be open and honest, admit your shortcomings, and then be humble enough to ask for forgiveness. You are leading us by example <3 Thank you!!
Thank you Amber for your words of encouragement! Sometimes I question how “real” to be and then I’m reminded that God uses me best when I don’t try to be something I’m not, rather just be who he created me to be 🙂
I pray that I continue to be filled with God’s spirit as I learn from Linda and the comments … thank you Father!
I have been doing some searching within lately, and I have found that when I married my husband I was marrying him for all the wrong reasons. Reasons of validation, acceptance, approval, etc. I was looking to him to be my savior, which was wrong of me, and has led me to many disappointments. Once you recognize this is your thinking, you can adjust. I’m working on adjusting. Thank you for sharing your Mother’s Day melt down. It also made me think of Lysa TerKeurst’s book “Unglued.”
Hey Linda, you are not alone. I was tempted just like you and had some of the same thoughts. I ended up crying (in self-pity) while trying to just be thankful and just blew it off as hormones. Oh Lord, help! Thank you for being so honest! Love you, Sue
I knew it was Mother’s Day because I did laundry, cooked, and cleaned my house. I refer to my husband and two sons as plop, drop, and roll. I have to admit I was a little (maybe a bit more little) resentful that this was how I was spending my day. After all, it’s not only Sunday when I catch up on weekly chores but it was Mother’s Day. God then put something on my heart. If I wasn’t a Mom and wife, I would have no one to this for and I wouldn’t be doing these things. Resent turned to a feeling a being grateful I have people to love and hugs and “I love you” was the best gift.
Your not alone sister. I have done this before too. This year I was starting to feel the same way until I caught myself…then I thought to myself I’m doing these nice things for me My sister & mom its my gift to them to get up early & make breakfast for them before we go to church. …because before I was thinking my kids & husband should be doing it for me. ..but I’m so thankful I had a change of heart and turned it around. …but like you I am always good at saying I’m sorry so you did the right thing sister. ..I’m proud of you! Love u! God is Great!
Oh Linda!!!
You speak my language and must’ve been at my house…this encourages me to know that it wasn’t just me & yes do agree that in my pride I have been guilty of expectations!!
Thank you for sharing this 😉
Linda,
I too fall victim to putting high expectations on my husband. I find myself at least once a week, feeling let down or disappointed with something that was said or wasn’t said. I blame romantic comedies for this;) Somehow though I believe that God spoke to my heart over the weekend. He reminded me that love comes in many different packages and ways. My husband may not be the most romantic man in the world, but he is a wonderful provider and preparer. He has rare moments of romance, but I am learning to cherish each one until the next one comes;)
Blessings
OMG was my response when I went to reading your post. I was the same at Mother’s Day. I really and truly don’t know why I am that way when it comes around but I felt really bad by the end of the day. God showed me I really need to be thankful because I have my boys and they are healthy what more could I ask for. Thank you for being honest and sharing.
Hi, Linda! When my son didn’t complete college, I was so depressed and I realized during the adjustment time that he didn’t meet my expectation or what I thought was the expectation of society, and this really hurt my pride. Interesting how pride and expectation go hand in hand in many situations. Since then, God has opened my eyes to see that this season of my son’s life is for his growth and maturity, and is necessary for him to become the man God wants him to be. I also found a lot of love and support from other Christians when I let go of my pride and admitted to them our situation. Like Amber said, thanks for your transparency and leading by example!
I too was a fool and even after they let me take a 3 hour nap–which was way too long–I figured someone would wake me after an hour. I complained that the only thing I had asked for was for them to clean the house and instead they played while I napped and made a mess. I wish we could just eliminate all the worlds silly holidays and honor each other every day!
You are not alone….:)
Wow, thank you! I too fell deep into this trap this year. None of my 4 adult children and their families came to see me this weekend and my thoughts ran “wild”….saying things like they don’t love me, no one cares about me, they don’t appreciate all the little things I do for them throughout the year, on and on it went. (notice-all the “I’s”). Absolutely, was the longest day….until I began to think of the joys that motherhood has brought me, my children are a gift from God, they are still ‘alive’ and I would see them soon…. began taking every thought captive. Reality, I fell hard for pride and how people ought to treat me; how I look for others to feel my love tank instead of God, etc. I repented to God, let go of the bitterness and hurt feelings, and became thankful. I have a new appreciation for how holidays are really hard for people. Maybe on top of the learnings above, God just wanted to show me to think of others on “special” days and love them!
Again, thank you for sharing and being honest.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My birthday is the end of April and it wasn’t a good one. I felt the same way you did and carried those feelings all the way to Mother’s Day weekend where the great vent session ensued. This was a very eye-opening chapter for me.
I had some great expecttions, but then I was reminded that “it’s not aout me” God is faithful.
Oh, Linda, you are NOT alone!! I haven’t done this for Mother’s Day, but during VBS or some PTO activity where every year I would promise myself that I would NOT get stressed out and take out my frustrations on my loved ones. I’ve since apologized to each of them for being so prideful.
Thank you for being so real today, and for being a godly example to other ladies who experience this problem with pride. <3
Linda, I must say this writting was an encouragement to my soul. Sometimes I feel like I must be the only one who is having a bad Mother’s Day and then I do get stuck in the wallowing in guilt and condemnation. So I appreciate your helpful reminder that God is the only one who can satisfy our souls! I do tend to catch myself with high expectations at times, for myself as well as others close to me. As Lysa Terkeurst talks about in her book ‘Unglued,’ I am trying to lessend the gap between my expectations and my reality, and ultimately decreasing the opportunity for disappointment. How do we do this?… In short Psalms 62:5 “My soul, waits only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” which is a learning process I am finding as well 😉
I also felt this way this year. Thank you for your honesty!
Why do we do this yo ourselves? Unrealistic expectations fueld by Satan to make us angry at what we are not getting. Sound a it “prideful”? I spent the day alone, and immersed myself in OBS studies and journaling. I felt that I gained so much insight that day. My children live live a bit far from us, but we all got together at a charity event I was at yesterday. That was my request to them. Join me on this day to see the work we are doing for this special group in need of support. I wanted to share with them that God needs us to seek out others who need help, stop thinking about what you need and look around you for people you can help. It doesn’t always take money, but a kind word or gesture can make their day. Teaching my children these things is a lifelong lesson and I try to teach by example.