Over the last year I’ve experienced some extremely dark and challenging days doubting what I’ve always believed.
Questioning does God really exist?
Do I really believe in Jesus?
It was very depressing because I felt like such a hypocrite. I mean for goodness sakes, I’m a “Christian Life Coach” so how in the world could I not believe in God?
After many days of a tear-stained face (really heart) in my brokenness I found I had no other place to look but up. So I picked myself up off the floor and reached for my bible.
As I turned the pages, my shattered heart slowly started to mend. I found the truth written in black, white & red ink. I started to believe again. My entire adult life I claimed to believe, but this time it went from my head to my heart. The words penetrated my entire being. I could feel my soul awakening.
As I think back over those fragile months, I ask myself how did a believer go from Fully Relying On God to questioning does Jesus really exist?
It was a slow fade. It started with skipping quiet time a day here and a day there, to weeks of not touching my bible. I was still “doing” all the Christian things but eventually I landed in a pool of doubt that led to drowning in disbelief.
I openly share this with you hoping and praying it encourages you and challenges you to drench yourself in scripture daily. Make it your #1 priority before anything else. I promise new life awaits you in the pages of the Holy Bible.
Share with me today if you can relate or if this post speaks to you in any way by leaving a comment below. Please share this post on your Facebook page if you feel this would encourage someone you love.
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Oh sweet friend thank you for this post! I can so relate!! This was me the last two months when life crumbled the day I traveled home from She Speaks. Each day for five days when I didn’t think anything else could happend it did. Slowly as I went into a fog of shock I stopped my quiet time and stopped picking up my Bible. So thankful for our God that He carries us in our deepest darkest times and so thankful for His truths that bring life again! Love you and praying for you!!
Denise, thank you for being transparent about your struggles as well. This is what a community of sisters in Christ is all about. I’m grateful you are doing better! Much love & (((hugs)))
yes I can relate!!! and you were my coach thru it at the worst it had ever been……thanks for helping me get back on track……love you!
Rachel, the Holy Spirit stands in the gap for all of us. The Lord is so powerful. I’m amazed at His love and grace. No matter how the enemy tries to defeat us, God can bring GLORY out of everything. Love you!!
You have just reminded us of how human we truly are. We are not perfect and God still loves us. He waits for us to come to Him. You are truly an inspiration to me, Linda. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. God loves you. 🙂
Thank you Melissa for such kind loving words. My spirit is overflowing with awe and wonder of how the Lord works in our lives. Thank you for being a part of my blog community. It’s a treasure having you here.
I use to have those days as well, and sometimes they cross my mind, but after being invloved with some awesome Bible Studies with Francis Chan, Mark Batterson, Linda Tyrkhurst, and now Renee Swope, I am reminded daily that I don’t walk alone and without God, I will fail and so I don’t start a day without looking out the window before I get up and say Good Morning God, and Thank You! It just makes me start the day with a smile. It’s nice to make that FIRST recognition in the morning as it reminds you right off, that he’s there…..always. You Rock Linda and I’m so thankful for being a part of your Life Coaching emails.
That is beautiful Kathy! Thank you so much for being a part of this community. It is a honor to have you here. Your words of support and encouragement mean so much to me. Sending you ((hugs)) today. 🙂
Oh Linda, I’ve been in this place for a while, trying to relearn some things from my early church years. You have helped me through a lot of it, but the doubt still lingers… I have quiet time with devotions and journaling almost every morning but I’m still having a hard time reading the Bible. Thank you for sharing this as I know I’m not alone. Praying for peace and faith to replace this doubt. Lord, help my unbelief.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for my sweet sister Joanne. Thank you Lord that your word is true. Thank you for the Holy Spirit’s power in our lives. Lord, I pray for your favor in Joanne’s life today. I pray in this very moment that she experiences your presence like never before and you come alive and real to her through your word. Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy in our lives. No matter what we do or don’t you remain the same. It’s in Jesus most Holy name we pray all things. Amen Love you Joanne! Thank you for being real here. That’s what it’s all about. ((((hugs))))
So very true and thank you for being so honest. I’ve tried so many times to read the bible and could never understand or stick with it. Until I found, Yes to God (online bible study), a friend gave me a Life Journal (which has been life changing in how I read/understand what God’s saying to me) and doing A Confident Heart (OBS) now. I feel like I’m finally getting “it”. I’m finally craving time with God and I just don’t feel right until I spend time in Him. Thanks for letting us know, we’re not alone and for being an inspiration at the same time.
That is awesome Phyllis! I’m going to look for that Life Journal. What a huge blessings. Online Bible Studies has provided a way for women to really get to know God. Grateful today for all Proverbs 31 Ministries is doing in so many lives!! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Linda, I really relate to this. As I started my journey with God, I believed doing the right things were good enough. I started having a quiet time and when I felt I wasn’t “hearing” from God, I too got discouraged and began to question Him. It wasn’t until I began a pursuit of Him with a DESIRE to spend time did I really get it. Quiet time with Him had started as something to do to check off the list of “Being a Good Enough Christian”. I didn’t really look forward to it, I just did it out of commitment. Now, I get excited about that time with Him, because I am learning and beginning to see how He speaks to me through scripture. I have gone from checking it off my list to NEEDING to be in that time before I start my day. Thank you for all your posts. Also enjoyed the call I got to have with you!!
Hi Karen! I enjoyed talking with you as well 🙂 I’m in agreement with you about setting out on a pursuit to seek God. There’s such power when we shift our focus…for me that is fighting for a relationship with Jesus! And it is AMAZING!!!! Thank you for being here on the blog 🙂
You are in good company…this season of my life seemed never-ending…hope barely clung on to me and the erosion was so acute till it was like I was standing on a pebble of faith rather than the Rock of Christ…but through the past time I realize God was also working for my good… God was pruning. I too needed to abandon all the teachers of my past “faith” to embrace simply His word, His Spirit and His teaching and to be renewed by Him. I’m in no way healed completely from the damage done but little did the enemy or even I realize I would emerge with a life craving more of Him in every nook and cranny as well as a willingness to trust Him. For those who are shying away from His word in total, might I suggest simply being still enough to recall one passage…just one that is personal or encouraging, then read it, speak it, write it…and don’t add pressure…ask Him to add to that word. He is able to do more with a single passage held in hope than you can even fathom. As I said, I’m still not whole…but walking wounded being daily restored and refreshed instead of shattered struck or fallen is a miracle only God can produce…I was comforted during the worst that my doubts don’t worry God nor do they mean you have no faith but that you are needing assurance from Him of His being near…and drawing near to Him is as relatively simple as a single passage clung to in the midst of whatever shadows may be trying to hide Him from your heart sight. Thank you Linda, your boldness to share with us serves as such grace for those struggling so…May He bless you.
My sweet daughter , you are such an inspiration to everyone you know and meet. As long as we trust in the Lord he always gets us thru even when we doubt. Thank you for your encouraging words which is a true blessing. I am so proud of you and grateful you are helping so many. Love you beyond words. Mom 🙂
I love you Mom!!! Thank you for sharing Jesus with me at an early age. You are the best!!!!! xoxoxox
Hello Linda, I am so inspired by your honesty and transparency here and I continue to be inspired by your courage. Your words, “It was a slow fade,” stand out as a clear warning to us. I have been in this place you speak of your words are definitely encouraging me today to keep myself drenched in scripture daily so that I don’t find myself there again. God bless your heart and your message. Praying your time with Jesus will draw you into Him in a way unlike you’ve ever experience before.
Thank you so much Katrina!! I have experienced such a deep love for Jesus within such a short time that I cannot wait to see what else is in store for my time with Him!! He’s stirred up a completely new hunger like never before in my life. I am so grateful! Thank you for being a part of my community. You are a blessings~
I can so relate to what your saying about those dark times in life when you don’t know what to do. God has to teach you those hard lessons so you’ll be able to know our needs. I cry out to God to help me know what His purpose is for me and how He wants me to achieve it. Being sick and depressed I’ve lost my way. I love reading the comments, encouragement and prayers that you and the ladies have given me. Sitting here tonight and feeling God telling me that I need to find something I can make to sell on E-bay, or one of those places. I would be able to help our finances and contribute to God’s work. I could work on it while I listen to tapes or Christian TV and won’t be dwelling on how bad I feel. Sometimes it feels like I just don’t have much time left and I don’t like that feeling. I used to make crocheted hats, scarfs, crocheted afghan or baby blankets but since I’ve had 9 nose surgeries I’m allergic to yarn. I’ve got so many ideas of what I could make but I don’t know how to get started. I’ve made wheel chair tie quilts for the veterans and disabled. Just thinking about having a job for the Lord has put sparks in my heart. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know your thoughts. I just can’t wait until I can get started. I have worked with wreaths and flower arrangements but sometimes their to fragile to mail. It just feels so good to be useful again. Thanks for all your prayers and together we all make a good team for the Lord. I so appreciate the Proverbs 31 team of leaders and teachers that are there for me/us.
Linda i have been going through the same trial. I have felt so heartbroken over my doubt. And as you stated my quiet time with our saviour has diminished greatly also. I know life gets in the way sometimes, but it should never take place of that. It just seems there are so many lost souls out there that have no belief what so ever and i feel the evil one is using them , the media , and social networking( other then yours and other Christian blogs ) to put that seed of doubt in our minds. When i read comments on facebook that are attached to post, i can’t believe how many people out there think Christianity is a fairy-tale. I struggle in my walk of faith, but i always try to see it Gods way. Dont feel like a hipocrite in your struggle, i think God is testing us all more now because of the times we live in. He’s coming soon and we’re his warriors, so lets all put on our armor and fight the good fight, for Him. He WILL raise us up. Stay strong.
Blessings and prayers to all my sisters in Christ Jesus,
Teri
I agree that we MUST put our full armor on daily or the ways of the world can easily persuade us. Our focus must remain on the truth. Thank you for being here on my blog!!
Dear Linda, So sorry you were going though such a dark time. I get upset with myself frequently when I let my negative emotions get the best of me. I need Jesus more than ever and sometimes that makes me angry, that I cannot be better, all on my own. I grieve for my children and husband to know you more, yet wonder sometimes about my example of that to them.
I meant to know Jesus more 🙂
F R O G!!! Fully Relying On God.
Thank you Linda for sharing with all of us. That took me back some years ago about my story (which is God’s story). I can relate with you. Some years ago I was asked (by a pastor) “Are you really saved?” This pastor had known me for years, so they knew that I was. But after that I was heartbroken but I did begin to question my salvation. I felt a door had opened and the devil walked right in with DOUBT. Yes it was very depressing, fearsome. Questioning myself “Am I saved, why wouldn’t I be saved, if so how did I lose my salvation. It was real Tough for awhile. WHAT LIES THE DEVIL HAS. DO NOT listen to what the enemy has to tell you. If it is not what God would say then it is not God. The devil comes only to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10. The devil is a liar and the father of it. John 8:44 BUT Christ came so we may have LIFE (with HIM) and in abundance. Thank You Jesus!!! Love to all who read this.
Thank you Sandra for sharing! I believe it also comes down to making a decision and sticking with it…to choose to believe scripture period. We need to be ALL in 🙂 This has helped me tremendously!!
I was just wondering if you just pick up your Bible and start reading, or do you have any type of reading plan? Sometimes I try to read scripture, but I get frustrated and quit because I don’t understand it, and I don’t feel like I’m getting anything out of it.
Hi Brenda! There are a variety of ways I get into scripture. I’ve tried bible reading plans but that doesn’t work well for me. I like to look in the concordance in the back of my bible and search for what I’m needing help with or google scripture that focus on a particular topic. Then I use my NIV study bible and read passages and look at the notes and often times it references other scriptures as well. I love my Jesus Calling devotional and it suggest scriptures to look up. I like to read more than just the verse. It’s important to read the entire passage to get more out of it. I hope this helps!