Last night as my teenage daughter was sharing her struggles with me, I found myself wanting to talk and give advice so badly. I knew I could help her “fix” things because I am her mom, right? I mean I’ve got 26 years on her. I do think I know a thing or two about being a teenage girl.
As I sat quietly and semi-patiently listening, I thought I was going to bust. I could barely stand it. I even started feeling a little anxious with sweaty palms and shallow breaths. I wiggled in my seat and adjusted my posture several times as I thought to myself, keep your mouth shut and listen to her Linda.
Why in the world is it so hard for us to just sit and listen?
Why do we feel the need to fix, rescue, advise or control when others just simply need to be heard?
I believe when we are faced with experiencing someone else’s pain, it brings up our “stuff”, our deep personal pains.
It takes courage to slow down long enough to become aware of how we are feeling and be present with another.
There’s an acronym I learned in coaching school that has been an invaluable tool for me as a coach, parent, wife and friend.
WAIT. Why Am I Talking?
When I find myself desperately wanting to talk (because oh how I love to talk!), I’ll say, “WAIT, Why am I talking?” and that usually quiets me long along to gain self-awareness.
I am then able to ask myself questions like, what are you feeling, why are you uncomfortable or what are you afraid of?
It reminds me of James 1:19, one of those graciously humbling scriptures if you know what I mean? Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
So how can you slow down and practice courage while listening to others today? I would love to hear from you! Leave me a comment below.
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Tonight I am going to do some volunteering. One of the ladies I volunteer with has a heart of gold, does lots for others and loves telling your about it…ALOT. She also complains ALOT. Tonight I will W.A.I.T. and let her unload her burdens without giving solutions. With Gods help, I will let her find her own way and lean on Jesus as I try to see her through Jesus’ eyes and heart and not my own. Great stuff #mycouragecoach ! Have a blessed day, Linda
Yay Nancy! Please let me know how it turns out. Sending you virtual ((hugs))
Today, at a meeting, there were lots of opinions. I specifically made myself wait and take a breath before speaking. That way, my words were more focused and genuine instead of a rush to speak. 🙂
Love it Melissa! I’ve been setting a reminder on my phone lately with the question, “How is your breathing?” to remind me to slow down and breath. 🙂
I had to be slow to speak last night and listen to my son-in-law tell me about their plans for who was staying when to help them out for our new grandson (their 8th). I pretty much thought I had it figured out how I could pace myself and help out ( my husband would be too)– I have CFS and some other chronic illnesses. But, their plan is different, and I know theirs is better; yet, my mommy grandma heart is crying out — “I want to be there too.” But, I will pray and wait, and “help out” after baby is born. Maybe, they will let me cook, not just visit.
Love this blog post. It came at the right time.
Deborah
I know exactly what your talking about when it comes to doing for those you love so much. It’s so hard not to want to do everything. It’s so hard to just slow down….but I’m learning one step at a time 🙂 Congratulations on the 8th grandchild!!
Thank you. It’s her 8th, my 11th. She is a wonderful mother, and her husband is a great father. I am so glad my grandchildren are growing up in homes dedicated to the Lord.
Hi Linda! I sure wish I had this post in my inbox on Wednesday… I just could not be quiet…even though I know my thoughts were definitely necessary, I just should have paused more to filter myself…I love this acronym and will certainly remember next time cause I am going to write it on sticky notes for ALL my meetings! Thanks for another inspirational moment for me…moments that last a lifetime!
Linda, you know my desire to be coach. Please pray with me that if the mortgage works out and I don’t have to move, I can use some of the money I have saved to take my coaching course. I want to work for Jesus. We have talked about the gift the Lord has given me and He has placed the desire in me to put it to use. I have to have “courage” and “wait” patiently for the doors to open.
Wow. That’s a tough one, but it is so gracious when we do wait to speak. I run into that mostly at work, at meetings, when people are speaking over one another. I’ve always felt it is more profound when you sit back, wait and then when it’s your turn, speak slowly and make an impact. Sounds easy, it’s not. Will pray on this one.