Shame.
I’ve wrestled with this word my entire life. I’ve tried to run away from it, but to no avail I sink in the slimy pit of this five-letter word desperately fighting my way out.
Shame suffocates.
Shame blames.
Shame cuts like a knife.
Shame isolates.
Shame feels like hell on earth.
There’s no way around it. We all feel shame. It’s part of who we are. It began in the garden with Adam and Eve. Do you remember their first response to God after they ate from the forbidden tree?
They hid! They felt shame.
We are not alone in this human emotion. Everybody has it. We all face it over and over every single day.
After so many years of avoiding the topic of shame, I finally came to terms with how much I’ve suffered from it. I decided I was sick and tired of the struggle, so I faced it head on. Dealing with it has literally transformed my life.
A while ago, I stepped out in faith and connected with a group of women to discuss shame. I learned very quickly that I’m not alone in my struggles.
I became EMPOWERED from making one intentional decision to connect with others instead of hiding. This snowballed into making more intentional decisions such as allowing myself to feel when I am hurt, instead of reaching for a box of cookies. Just the other day, when I was feeling discouraged I picked up the phone and scheduled a massage.
It is a very rare that I take the time for such luxury and pampering as a massage. As I’ve been learning exactly what it means to be courageous it’s rearranging my entire outlook on life. It’s empowering.
I want to challenge you today to step into courage with me. Be intentional. What can you do for yourself today that you’ve desperately needed for quite some time?
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Linda Kuhar is a Certified Christian Life Coach, Board Certified Life Coach, Certified Human Behavior Consultant, Writer, Speaker, and Mentor. Click here to learn more about coaching with Linda & frequently asked questions about the coaching experience.
I feel shame every time that I give in to a craving for food that my body really doesn’t need. I eat when I am not supposed to and then, feel so awful and ashamed that once again I have failed at my attempt for a healthier body. I am so thankful for the MadetoCrave OBS. Also, so thankful for your words, Linda Kuhar. You continue to inspire me. Thank you. 🙂 #mycouragecoach
One way to kill shame every time is to talk about it with someone who has earned the right to hear our struggles. I’m amazed when I open up to a close friend how much better I feel and then the shame goes away. I’m grateful I continue to inspire you. Love having you here 🙂
Thank you, Linda. My small group for M2C has everyone partnered up with a friend so we can have accountability and so we can be there for each other and that does help me. 🙂
You continue to inspire me …. I always love reading your thoughts. How often do we find ourselves so filled with that five letter word… letting those letters define who we are as a person… THANK YOU for all the words you wrote! 😀 They put such meaning to this journey!
Thank you Amy for such kind, sweet words. Thank you for doing life here with me 🙂 ((hugs))
I never knew I carried shame until I gave my testimony to a Sunday School class I was involved in a few years back. My testimony includes the story of the abortion I had some 26 years ago. One of the leaders of the class approached me afterwords about how shame still affected me, as seen through my posture and demeanor during my testimony! I have since learned that I carry quite a bit of shame — your words were more than encouraging, and I have signed up to follow you! Thank you for your words of #empowerment!
I want you to know that I am praying for you today. That shame will not hold you back you will be able to lift up your head, forgive yourself ( one of the hardest things to do), experience freedom and move forward in your life. God’s heart for you too…
Lori-Ann,
You are not alone. I, too, had an abortion over 23 years ago and hid in shame for many years. Today, after being courageous enough to tell my secret and get help, God has been using what the enemy meant for evil for He’s glory!
The courage to give myself permission to say no to others expectations and demands and anything that I have not spent time in prayer about instead of always saying yes and just being busy and unfruitful. Busy does not equate fruitful. Thank you Linda for this opportunity and blessing. In His Hands
Gahhh!!!! And with shame comes that other 5 letter word….guilt. I had to count that on my fingers to make sure it was 5 letters 🙂 Your posts always make me feel more empowered, aware, and not alone in the very thing the enemy would like us to feel alone in. Thanks for blessing me today dear friend!!
Trish 🙂
I feel shame just thinking about how aweful I am to myself. I have very little self confidence, and when it comes to weight, I want my 25 year old body back at 52! Along with my not so bad skin that is now full of Rocesea(sp). I’m not grossly overweight or anything, just getting more depressed that my brain is still 18, but my body is showing its years. I am so inspired and transformed by your posts LInda and I love that I can brag about having a #mycouragecoach!! You Rock and I Thank you for your honesty and commitment to all of us. Peace….
Thank you Linda for sharing your life. So glad you are able to discuss the topic of shame it spoils so much of our lives as we hide from one another. Guilt too causes so many sleepless nights and my emotions get more and more frayed. Thankfully there is a lovely hymn that I sing to myself when These feelings try to hijack my peace.
Can’t remember it all but it includes these beautiful words.
“You took all my guilt and shame when you died and rose again, so I lift my heart to you in adoration”. To God be the glory.
You are right. I feel shame when my jeans don’t fit and my flab hangs over the top !
I believe most of us women suffer from body image shame but we never really talk about it. Thank you for being real here! Love it!!
Of late, I’ve started to wonder if I should change my attitude about work. I am a salaried office worker, which means I sometimes have to work mor than 40 a week without extra pay. In the past, I was working closer to 50 hrs a week and then some at home on the weekends. Review time would come around amd any salary increase was hardly noticeable. This past fall my husband finally said something about it so I kept track of my hours and decided to just do the 40 and that was it. Well, the assumption in the office is we should all do more. But on the other hand isn’t time with my family and my sanity worth more? Also, it has allowed me more time to read my Bible, follow some blogs and be in some online Bible studies. But now I feel ashamed because I’m not the over achiever working late in the office. I know what I am doing now is the correct thing, but those feelings of doubt amd shame try to convince me otherwise. Working one day at a time, thanks Linda….#mycouragecoach
That’s a great idea. I’ve never thought of going out and doing something like that for myself. It would break the stress up or whatever else is going on and when you come back you have a better outlook on things.
I am really needing to go watch a sunset on the water. It’s a little cool but that might be nice. I would love a treat like that. Thank you Linda. Shame is too a part of my life. Nice to have a God of grace. #mycouragecoach
I love that Donna!! I actually went out on my freezing cold front porch this morning and watched the sun rise. It was breath taking.
Shame is indeed a very powerful five letter word. I am privileged to be a volunteer counsellor for women who have been through abortion. I hear their stories and how their lives have been held back by the overwhelming sense of shame of the abortion experience. It is often a well guarded secret, which increases their sense of shame and isolation.
Today I am going to pray for the women, who find themselves suffering the shame of past decisions that have held them back, that they will forgive themselves, lift up their heads and find freedom. #mycouragecoach
Linda,
I always enjoy reading your posts and this one is so true. I can relate my shame with Sheila’s for feeling guilty not working 50+ hours and honoring myself and my family instead. I grew up with workaholics where work was always more important, and I’m thrilled to change this attitude, although shame still rears its ugly head every now and again. Thank you for your inspiration!!
Well, I clicked on your blog because I wanted to see what a professional counselor would have to say…wow. Thanks for your honesty and transparency. I think your words are powerful and they are speaking to my heart. I had a prophetic word given to me once about a really challenging issue that I endured that said, “but first, you must forgive yourself…” Years later I am still coming to terms with what that Word from God said. I think it has to do with shame and this last chapter in MTC is helping me understand a bit more. Thank you for this blog.
thank you for your encouraging word and study